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Thread: 2018 Darwin Awards

  1. #1
    Senior Member hotfingrs's Avatar
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    2018 Darwin Awards

    > Nominee No. 1 (San Jose Mercury News):
    >
    > An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend’s windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
    >
    > Nominee No. 2 (Kalamazoo Gazette):
    >
    > James Burns, 34, a mechanic from Alamo MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft".
    >
    > Nominee No. 3 (Hickory Daily Record):
    >
    > Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but instead grabbed a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
    >
    > Nominee No. 4 (UPI, Toronto):
    >
    > Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest members of the 200-man association.”
    >
    > Nominee No. 5 (The News of the Weird):
    >
    > Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting execution in South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
    >
    > Nominee No. 6 (The Indianapolis Star):
    >
    > A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzleloader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
    >
    > Nominee No. 7 (Reuters - Mississauga, Ontario):
    >
    > A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. "Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred," said Inspector Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over the balcony."
    >
    > Finally, THE WINNER! (Arkansas Democrat Gazette):
    >
    > Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog-catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.
    >
    > The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting a bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.
    >
    > After traveling approximately 20 miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement and struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.
    >
    > Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might be dead," stated Wallis.
    >
    > "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.
    >
    > Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole 's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and i f anyone got them from the truck?
    >
    > Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did in fact effectively remove himself from the gene pool.

  2. #2
    Administrator Ron77's Avatar
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    Some good ones there Jack. At least they have removed themselves from the gene pool.

    Ron
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  3. #3
    Moderator Kevins's Avatar
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    So Poole is out of the gene pool, but what about Wallis? If he had simply inserted the bullet the other way, they would have only suffered a hole in the firewall.

  4. #4
    Funny as hell Jack. Thanks for posting.

    Stu.

  5. #5
    Another great post.
    The one line never heard in Heaven "Gee! I wish I had spent a little more time in the office."

  6. #6
    GROUCHY FUC***G OLD APE Silverback's Avatar
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    Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but instead grabbed a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

    I did something similar. I was at work and extremely busy and someone thought it would be funny to replace the phone receive with a banana. I was facing the other way discussing an issue with some engineers that worked for me and the phone rang. I reached back for it and got the banana all the way to my head and actually said hello before noticing it was a banana, not the receiver.

    That was okay. I ate the banana.

  7. #7
    Senior Member DanEC's Avatar
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    As a fellow Arkansan (thankfully an import) - I can't begin to tell you how proud I am that our state is so honored.
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  8. #8
    Senior Member RedBarchetta's Avatar
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    The lawyer shoving his shoulder through the 24th floor’s “strong glass” had to be the OMG moment of the year for the witnesses.
    -Dean

    "...tires spitting gravel, I commit my weekly crime."

  9. #9
    Senior Member DanEC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverback View Post
    Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but instead grabbed a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

    I did something similar. I was at work and extremely busy and someone thought it would be funny to replace the phone receive with a banana. I was facing the other way discussing an issue with some engineers that worked for me and the phone rang. I reached back for it and got the banana all the way to my head and actually said hello before noticing it was a banana, not the receiver.


    That was okay. I ate the banana.
    This is actually why I don't keep a round chambered in the automatic I keep in my bedside table drawer. Unlikely I could chamber it in my sleep but if I hear someone breaking in I can chamber it in a split-second. Don't want to be a Darwin nominee.
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  10. #10
    Administrator Ron77's Avatar
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    Same with me Dan. I keep an empty chamber as it just takes a second to chamber a round.

    Ron
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  11. #11
    GROUCHY FUC***G OLD APE Silverback's Avatar
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    I sleep nekkid, so my gun is always in my hand.

  12. #12
    Administrator Ron77's Avatar
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    Boy are you ever in trouble now. Nomad is on his way.

    Ron

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverback View Post
    I sleep nekkid, so my gun is always in my hand.
    MY ALBUMS

  13. #13
    Senior Member RedBarchetta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ron77 View Post
    Same with me Dan. I keep an empty chamber as it just takes a second to chamber a round.
    X3 here, too.
    -Dean

    "...tires spitting gravel, I commit my weekly crime."

  14. #14
    Senior Member DanEC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverback View Post
    I sleep nekkid, so my gun is always in my hand.
    That's an image I would like to erase.
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  15. #15
    Administrator Ron77's Avatar
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    Pictures by Nomad to follow.

    Ron
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